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| 02 Jan 2015 04:08 PM
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I was at a bar and some guy started talking to me about how his dad is the best in the state. I responded by saying "Yeah, well my dad can beat your dad up". He didn't say anything for awhile so I decided to walk away to see what he'd do next. He stood up out of his chair and charged over to where I was sitting.
He asked me what that means and I said "Yeah, well my dad can beat your dad up". So, he threw a punch at me and then I punched him back but then I realized it'd be better to just knock him out so I hit him on the side of the head. He dropped right onto the floor. He stood back up and we walked out to the parking lot. We got into our cars, backed up and smashed each other with the bumpers.
We both got out of our cars and he said something about me being a piece of crap. I told him I agreed and that his dad is the same way. Then I ran over to my car and drove off. He was still walking around with a dazed look on his face when I drove away.
I'm still laughing.
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| 02 Jan 2015 04:18 PM
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I have more jokes:
"Stop acting like an idiot. You are your own worst enemy"
"Well, it's the truth. Stop trying to hide from yourself"
"Why did you cross the road?"
"Because there were no sidewalks"
"Where'd you learn that?"
"From my mother, who learned it from me"
"And why'd you do that?"
"So I could teach my children to cross the street before they were old enough to do so on their own"
"So, how old are you?"
"I think I am 3"
"And what's your name?"
"My name's Biff, the three year old"
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| 02 Jan 2015 04:42 PM
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I got another one:
A man is driving down the road and sees two guys beating the living hell out of each other in the middle of the road. The man stops his car, steps out and yells, "What's going on here"? One of the guys says, "This guy stole my girlfriend, so I challenged him to a fight and now we're settling this with bare knuckles". The man asks what his name is and the guy answers, "John". The man then says, "Well, John, this is my girlfriend's father, but I'll take care of this for you!"
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| 02 Jan 2015 05:38 PM
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I have another one:
The teacher was giving out spelling test and asked the student sitting in front of the classroom to spell a word. The student said "cat". So, she asked him to spell the word again. The student replied "cat". So she told him he was wrong. The student told her he knew it was a cat because his brother has one and it's a nice pet. So, she tells him "Okay, fine, since you are so sure, spell it". The student says "C-A-T" and the teacher agrees that he was right.
The next day the teacher calls on the same student. She says "Spell 'dog'". The boy replies, "D-O-G".
So, she asks him if he spelled correctly. He says yes, and she asks him why he is so sure. He says, "Because my brother owns a dog". She asks him how he knows that. He replies, "Because I own a cat"
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