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| 23 Jul 2016 09:20 AM
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pootis. It began so long ago, in a place that no one can even begin to fathom. I was young once, like you, but my destiny was far greater than yours will ever be.
One day, my mom told me to go clean up the house. And I said "No way!" but she still made me do it. I cleaned the living room and I thought about all my friends and how they would never get out of their rooms and do anything for anyone but themselves. That's when I realized something special. Something very powerful. What if, I could take this power and force these people into doing things that I want them to? What if I could make those slobs into cleaning up after themselves?
Then I remembered a poem I had learned in school about the power of love. And I realized, that yes! There is a type of love in this world that has the power to move mountains, and that type of love, is the love of pootis.
So that night, I sat down with my laptop, and started to search for websites about pootis. And guess what?! There wasn't any. So I knew then, my destiny was destined, as I would become the king of the pootis kingdom. But I knew I couldn't do it alone. So that next week I went to my school library and searched for "Pootis" in the catalog. And guess what?! They didn't have it. So I asked the librarian if they could order a book on pootis, and guess what?! They said yes! The next day I got a call from the principal saying I couldn't bring my book into school because he doesn't want anyone "spreading that filth around."
So that next week at lunch, the cool kids were talking about their plans for homecoming. And I said, "I don't care." And they were like, "Well you should, because you're not going to homecoming anyway!" And then I looked down at my shoe and I saw a pooti. And I pointed to it and said "That's right." And when I looked up, all the cool kids were gone. And I knew then that pootis would help me win over the hearts of those who didn't believe in me.
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