 R05
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
| 01 Jan 2015 02:48 AM
|
But I need suggestions. This is what I have so far: (I can't post all of it or it'd be too long)
The story is set in the year 2025. The world has changed, but not for good. Many people died that year, and the year after that, and then some. So many died because they were attacked by something no one ever saw coming.
Anyway, this story takes place in Texas, where a family lives in a small town called Houston, Texas. A normal day begins when two siblings go to school, but as soon as their parents drop them off, something happens. They are attacked by a force that can only be described as "hell." As they run and hide, their parents see their kids being beaten and killed before their eyes. It was a terrible sight to see, and their parents just stood there while their children suffered.
When the kids' parents saw their children getting slaughtered, they rushed over to their kids, screaming for help. But no one answered, except for the attackers. They continued to kill their way through the streets of Houston until they reached the main gate into the city, where the police had arrived to stop them.
But they weren't able to do anything at all, as they were killed right away by the attackers. After killing everyone who was in their way, they left the city and went on to the next one.
The next morning, the mother woke up the father, as she always did. She asked him if he heard any screams or gunshots, but he didn't respond. So she checked to see what was wrong, and found out that his body was gone and there was no blood. The same thing happened to her son, but she didn't know it yet, because he was sleeping in another room.
She decided to go wake up her son and see if everything was okay, and when she opened the door, she saw a monster with glowing red eyes. Before she knew it, the monster had grabbed her, and then it threw her into her own room, where her husband's body was. Then it grabbed her by her hair and began to slice her arms open and tear off pieces of skin, making her scream. But it wasn't just her screaming - her son heard it too, and started screaming.
The monster stopped attacking the woman for a few seconds and walked over to her son's bedroom. When she opened the door and stepped inside, she saw him lying on his bed, completely still. He seemed lifeless, until he jumped up and attacked the monster with all his might. The monster was taken off guard by the kid, so he fell on top of him.
While this was happening, the mother ran into the living room, where she saw her husband lying on the floor, bleeding from every part of his body. She looked down at him, trying to figure out what to do, when suddenly, her son came running in with the monster on top of him. She couldn't tell who was who, but she tried to grab her son anyway. When she did, the monster went flying backwards onto the ground, with blood dripping from his mouth.
She checked to see if her son was okay, but when she turned around, she saw that he had been bitten, and there was no way to save him. So she held him tight while he died, and then she laid him on the ground next to his father. After that, she realized that she was also hurt, and that she couldn't stay here much longer. So she left the house and began walking away from it, until she heard a sound coming from inside the house...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Report
Abuse
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
| 01 Jan 2015 02:54 AM
|
This is all I have right now. Please give suggestions on how to improve it! Thanks!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Report
Abuse
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
| 01 Jan 2015 04:49 PM
|
Please give me suggestions.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Report
Abuse
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
| 02 Jan 2015 06:38 AM
|
I really need people to tell me what's wrong with it!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Report
Abuse
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
| 02 Jan 2015 11:34 PM
|
I still haven't gotten any help
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Report
Abuse
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
| 03 Jan 2015 02:57 PM
|
I seriously need some feedback on this
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Report
Abuse
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
| 04 Jan 2015 06:33 AM
|
Please, I'm trying to write a story, and I can't without your help. Please.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Report
Abuse
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
| 04 Jan 2015 02:05 PM
|
I don't understand why people aren't even giving me suggestions.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Report
Abuse
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
|
R05
|
|
|
| Joined:
- |
| Total
Posts:
-
|
|
-
|
|
| 04 Jan 2015 10:02 PM
|
If you are not going to give me feedback, then please at least tell me what's wrong with it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Report
Abuse
|
|